Tuesday, November 04, 2014

Fear Around Writing and Being Stuck - Day 4

Ok... so it is only day 4 and I already have writer's block.

I have so many feelings around writing this blog. Perhaps I should address each in turn:
  • It seems really indulgent writing about "whatever" pops up. I "should" have a theme! Isn't there something I could be writing about that creates a sense of continuity? Oh yeah, isn't this blog about "engaging inner wisdom"? Is it possible to put everything I talk about into the context of "inner wisdom". Hmmm...I am not sure. Is choosing to write everyday for 30 days enough of a "theme". Is it possible to write for 30-days about how writing for 30-days impacts my inner wisdom? Hmmm.
  • I would like to find my "voice" or my "unique commentary" - well it is scary and ironic that I have not, given that I am a singer, but it is true. Perhaps it relates more to my first point than I realize, and that is why I do not have a theme, other than the overarching idea of "engaging inner wisdom"; i.e. I do not have a theme because I have not found my point of view and what I have to say, or offer. Maybe that is the crux, "feeling like I have nothing meaningful to offer" (drag...where does that come from?).
  • Given all the amazing, informative, creative, deeply spiritual blogs out there, I feel a tremendous sense of pressure to write something pithy and resource-full, posts that include links and connections to outside resources. This of course ultimately becomes a loop - if I am linking to other people who have written about things I want to write about, and they have written well, then I think inwardly, "why bother writing something, it has already been written, and it is better than anything I could write, so...why not just promote other people's work?". Which brings me back to not finding my own voice. *sigh
Love this from thestrangestsituation.blogspot.com
  • Why do I want to write anyway? What is the point? To what end? Is it because "everyone's doing it, and it is the best way to get myself out into the world and show people what I have to say and offer?" But...what is it I have to offer that has not already been said more clearly, more concisely, and with more eloquence? *double sigh... see above!
  • I am so future oriented. I want the blog to be good, no great! I want it to get a million, gazillion hits, and take off! I want book options and signing tours and oh my, oh my, oh my - VERUCA SALT (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)!! Oh My Gosh! Such HUGE EGO involvement, and a shit-ton of pressure (for those of you who don't curse, well, you might not want to read my blog, because I definitely have a voice around "to curse or not to curse", and I lean on the "to curse" side of the spectrum).
  • I fear being inconsistent. This of course stems from everything already mentioned.
Being consistent and having something meaningful to say remain the biggest obstacles to writing this blog. I am using the NANOWRIMO 30-day challenge as a catalyst, but it does not help me churn out the words, find a meaningful topic, or develop an over-arching theme. Moreover, I am not sure that anything I have to say will be relevant to you, or anyone, for that matter. Why am I doing this anyway?

If you blog, have you dealt with these issues or feelings, and how have you overcome them? What was it like for you when you first started blogging? How did you go about becoming consistent, finding something to say, etc.?

5 thanksgivings:
  1. I am grateful for being able to read and write.
  2. I am grateful that there is a forum to write my feelings, experiences, and whims.
  3. I am grateful that NANOWRIMO http://www.nanowrimo.org exists and inspires so many people.
  4. I am grateful for all the amazing authors who paint textural imagery and felt experiences using words.
  5. I am grateful for my computer.

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